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A Loving Mother

A Loving Mother

You’re beating an already battered victim.

This is why I’ve been absent for awhile.

Now I want my truth told. I want the truth out.

That quote should be enough said.. But its not. Nothing ever is, unless you’re one of them..

***I was told to delete this. But idgaf.***

My children are beautiful, aren’t they? That was recent. I missed Christmas with them. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Even my youngest turning 2….

There’s a difference between a mother not being able to ever see her children again, and a mother not being allowed to see them. One, more painful than the other, perhaps, but to a mother, her pain is exactly the same to the others. Theres something to be said about a mothers love, but then it makes you wonder if it was ever enough. So many ‘what ifs’ pile up, and ‘why me’s’ start to form. “That is my child(children)” we say. But do they listen to the pleas? Or is the sound of a growing wallet more appealing? Of course itd be. No one wants to listen to the cries of their mistakes.. Or face the darkness in their hearts..

Married life wasn’t the best for me. I was forced to keep to myself, lose contact with my family, never have a friend, or even learn how to drive. I was made to believe his abuse was my fault by his family, and made to believe that I’m a terrible mother.

But that wasnt true. I am a damn good mother. Except no one believes me. Because that would mean they were wrong about me. And no matter who you are, nobody likes to be wrong.

It all started August 18, 2017. Well, more like ended then started again. One thing ended but another problem arose shortly after. No surprise there. Seems to be the story of my life. Anyways, on the 18th, I broke the cycle.

I just got off work that morning after a 12 hour shift on an overnight. I wanted to rest, and told my husband. He was already up that morning. Usually isn’t. And I was given a ride home by a coworkers parent. Well, he didnt like that very much, and started yelling at me. He accused me of some untrue things and continued bashing into it. I finally had enough. Five years of the same damn argument finally got the best of me. I told him to drop it and that we are not doing this again. Especially in front of the children. He didn’t care. He proceeded by kicking our stand alone cupboard and knocking off knives and utensils i purposfully placed up very high on top of it so the kids wouldnt be able to reach it, and they flattered to the floor. I told him to stop and he took my phone, smashed it against a light switch and wall. I tried to get it back but he pushed me off. He then eyed the internet box. I went after it, because I’d be damned if I’m cut off from the world because i wasnt about to stay there anymore. He grabbed my arm and shoved me back, took the box and smashed it too. I screamed at him to stop. But then he wrapped his arms around me and shoved me against the wall and said I will never leave him, so I started kicking trying to get free. My kids were scared they were screaming for daddy to stop hurting mommy. He started choking me and I swung my fist right in his eye and took my knee right up his crotch. He dropped me. I started to go towards my kids to put them in their rooms, and he grabbed my hoodie and grabbed my arm, and starting dragging me towards the front door. I kicked and screamed. I knocked over the rocking chair trying to get free. He opened the door and i could see giant red rocks placed right over the ledge near the cement stairs. He picked me up and tossed me outside. My head barely missed those rocks, but not my thigh. It became bruised almost immediately about the size of a 6 inch oblong shape. It hurt but I didnt waste any time. He was shutting the door and I bolted up the steps. I wasnt about to leave him alone with MY children. I busted through the door then he looked at me calmly. He said “what are you doing? Sweetie, why are you so angry?” I scoffed and said “really? You attacked me!” Then he proceeded to deny it and claimed he didnt remember doing any of it, that I did it all. That i broke my own phone. That I hurt myself. I told him to leave. Because im not staying in that craziness for another minute. He left then came back with a phone. Inactivated. No internet box to even set it up. He tried to apologize but i told him to leave again because im packing my shit and ill be gone. I dug in the closet and found our old internet box and plugged it in. By miracle, it worked, when not so long ago we had to replace that one due to it not working anymore. I activated the phone, and called everyone I knew. At least everyone I thought could help me. Coworkers that promised to help me before in the past when they started noticing my bruises from him previously. One girl came over and helped me call the police and file a report. Another girl came over and helped me pack my stuff. I only packed some of my things like a few notebooks table, and a single outfit. I took all of my kids stuff except for one bed and a giant toy box. But I did grab most of thier toys. She asked where i wanted to go. I told her the one who usually gets me rides home from work because he amd his mom offered me a safe place to go if the abuse ever got out of hand. I took thier offer.

My husband got arrested two or 3 days later claiming i kidnapped our children. But the cops were already aware of the situation.

On August 29, i was paid a visit by cops. Appearantly it was alleged that i neglected my kids and that the person who tipped them off had numerous witnesses. And since the kids were clean, fed and happy, they knew that wasnt the case. So instead they started looking around the house saying it was alleged that I do drugs. Since that wasnt true, they started nit picking at the little messes from the kids around the house. Such as thier breakfast they were eating and a paper mess from my youngest shredding one of my notebooks. All of sudden they said oh, well this isn’t a safe place for your kids, youre endangering them and thier lives. This place is messy. Then, they gave me 3 options.

  1. I can leave and go to a shelter with my kids, or
  2. They can take my kids while I find a new place, or
  3. They can just arrest me and take my kids.

Obviously i picked the first one. But as I was waiting on the cab to get from cameron to Hamilton, because he had to drop someone off first, the cop said to the other officer with her. “no. I’m not waiting. Arrest her and take the kids.”

I took that to court. I fought it. But since they changed what happened in thier report, i lost. They claimed I refused to leave with my kids. They claimed I tried to attack them. I had 3 witnesses saying otherwise. One, of which, was a city employee. The cab. So he had no reason to lie for anyone or to anyone. Yet, it wasnt believed. I got convicted of 3rd degree misdemenor in endangering the welfare of my children with 2 years probation.

That was in August.

I’ve been battling to see my children since then. I’ve done everything they have ever asked to get my kids back.

I ran into a few snagfoos with them, however. One time they called me in to do a UA but she knew my schedule and knew I would be asleep at that time. So I missed it, but i also thought it was weird that my phone never rang. My friend would have surely woke me up if he heard it and i hadn’t. So I apologized to them. Then on another day i was using my phone, and a voicemail icon popped up out of nowhere on my phone. I called it, and it was a voicemail from them from just moments ago. My phone never rang. Nothing is wrong with my phone. They wanted me to do a UA. I called them back and assured them I’d be there. They said great, but I also told them that i don’t have the $15 until I get paid in a few days and asked if that’d be ok. They said no. And that if i don’t pay the money then i can’t test and if i don’t test they are going to write me down as a refusal to comply. In return, I offered to do a blood test that would give them more than what they needed to know. A wider range would have been covered but they said no, that it doesn’t work that way.

Then, i was late to one meeting. ONE. Because she called me, the caseworker, and told me the meeting would be at the Hamilton office but really it was at the P.D.

Before that, I missed an entire meeting because she told me it’d be at the Hamilton office. I called when she was late and she stated I’ll be there in a moment. 2 hours passed then she called and told me that since I didnt show up at our meeting in cameron that she marked me down as refusal to comply.

Then, in december we had a set date to visit. The 11th. The next day she changed it to the 18th. Well on the 12th she called and said she wrote me down as refusal to comply once again for missing the meeting on the 11th. I told her that i have the emails still saying she changed it and she said well i didnt. Would you like me to print off a calendar for you that you might actually understand? I told hee no thank you I have one.

On a most recent day I had a meeting set up with her and told her that I’m going to be there I will just have to find a ride. Well, i get there and she tells her boss that i refused to come. Her boss showed me these ’emails’ then I showed her my emails. Her boss exclaimed, well she didn’t show me these ones…

In november, she told me to get a family guidance mental health assessment and see what they say. Just because I was abused as a child, even tho I already did counseling and therapy for it for 5 years. I asked what would happen depending on what they say. She said if they believe I need help, then she will direct me towards midtown psych. I completed and passed family guidance with flying colors. She scrunched her nose and said “I still want you to go to kansas city for their evaluation. If all goes well you can see your kids.” So I went to that. Passed. Then, at court this January of 2018, she told the judge I wasnt trying. And since I didnt wind up in therapy like she had hoped that I shouldn’t see my kids. They took away my visitation rights that i never even got to use and gave them to my husband and my daughters bio dad. Granted, her bio dad ditched us right after she was born. Hasn’t seen her since, not ever messaged me about her, or even asked to see her, not once since 2012. But now he is father of the year. He gets to see her, but not me. He claims that i kept him from her. When I didnt.

And its bad enough that during one of our meeting between me and the caseworker she had stated that she believed my husband over me, because “he doesn’t lie” and claimed that my abuse was alleged and untrue. I asked her if she read the police report and she stated “it didn’t look that bad. Honestly it seems like you blew it out of proportion.”

So now im stuck. In doing everything they want, but it’ll never be enough.. Ill continue doing it, but if it doesn’t work, then I need a lawyer. I failed to get one for my charge, and you see where that led me… Ill be damned if i make that same mistake. But working fast food, minimum wage, idk who can, or will be willing to help me…

Am i destined to fail?


Posted by on January 11, 2018 in Who Am I?


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Keep Writing!

Keep Writing!

I am writer, and I struggle everyday. Not with the whole writing concept, or story concept itself, but struggling with how to deal with the words no writer ever wants to hear(which can ultimately disrupt the flow of things for you in the writing world):

“You’re not good enough!”

“You’ll never be good enough!”

“Who do you think you are, Stephen King?”

And to which, I scoff, then wallow in pain from hearing such negative remarks from FAMILY! The last bunch of people anyone, who is emotionally supporting themselves, ever wants to hear. I can’t be the only one.

And I am not trying to be like ANYONE. JUST MYSELF which is what every writer/author I am sure is trying to do as well. But if that is not what they meant, then obviously they were talking about that person’s status quo. To which, I remind them, I write for ME, and only ME. Trying to read a publisher’s mind, or audience’s mind is unrealistic. And I believe, being true to me, myself, and I, is the only best shot I have in this industry.

So, instead of taking the easy way out, and google searching what others have done, I took out my pen and analyzed ways that might help me. In turn, I realized, maybe it just might help you. Yeah, you. The one who googled the same thing, wanting the same answer as I did.

Here’s my advice: Some people don’t even have any room to talk. The best you can do is live your life right. If it happens to be better than theirs, then so be it. Don’t let their failures be your self-doubt, and don’t let their jealousy be your burden.

That’s it! I hope you know we should all be here for each other, when no one is. Stand together, when others push. Build each other, when we fall. Only then, will we have a community so strong, no one will bother with their own petty insecurities.


Posted by on November 21, 2016 in Keep Writing!, Posts by Author


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Elements of the Psychological Thriller, Mystery, Suspense and/or Crime Fiction Genres

This is what I’d like to add, from what I had gathered through my readings:

Suspense Thriller-is when you now what all is going on, fearing the end to the character because you are unable to warn them, but turns out you were wrong the entire time, and have been rooting for the wrong character/occurrence/aspect all along. (Typically found in psychological books)

  • Just plain suspense, however, is best suited for horror genre.

Thriller Suspense-is when you have no clue what is all going on, or see no obvious connections between the certain events, but it turns out you have known the whole time, and by the end, the twist occurs, connecting the plot like one giant jigsaw puzzle falling into place on it’s own. (Typically found in Mystery books)

  • Just plain thriller, however, is best suited for action genre.

Psychological Suspense-is when you know that person isn’t crazy, but main character thinks they are, and then you watch as they scramble to reveal the truth.(think The Girl on the Train)

Psychological Thriller-is when the main character has no clue as to why these things are happening to them, but turns out it was all part of revealing their deranged minds.(think Shutter Island)

Word Hunter

Last week I attempted to define some elements expected of the typical reader in a psychological thriller. Although the attempt was a good one, it left me with some problems localising the differences between what a mystery, crime fiction and thriller is.

Those thoughts were put into a large post on Mystery, Thriller and Crime fiction. In that post I realised that like a lot of writers, and a lot of experts in writing, the cross-flow between these genres provides a difficulty in localising one genre we might like our books to be catergorised into, if forced to do this on bookshelves or websites.

What came out of this, however, was a rewrite of the initial post on elements that the reader may expect. I’ve now provided a more catergorised list of elements below.  This post will be kept updated with any new ideas in the future.

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Posted by on November 1, 2016 in Posts by Author


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Batter Up!

Batter Up!

How To Pitch Like A Pro Baseball Player

Oh, wait! This isn’t baseball. But I am talking about different types of pitches today. So, this title should be…

How To Write A Logline To Pitch Like A Pro Author

Now, I have to ask, what is with all these pitches? Haha! No, but on a serious note, you may have probably heard the term logline, or pitch. Right? Here is the difference:

  • Logline, according to this, is defined as ‘a brief (usually one-sentence) summary of a television program, film, or book that states the central conflict of the story, often providing both a synopsis of the story’s plot, and an emotional “hook” to stimulate interest. A one-sentence program summary in TV Guide is a log line.’ Check these out for examples, and further explanation:
  • Pitch, according to this, is defined as ‘a form of words used when trying to persuade someone to buy or accept something.

So, first, you will need a logline, only then it will be pitched to sell.

There is no one single way to write a logline. There are several different ways, and I will share what I have learned here over the past few years. I will give examples from the most recent books I have read.

First, let’s jot down some notes about your story on a sheet of paper, if you are currently stuck on how to present your logline, and we will see if we can use any of them:

  1. Who is your protagonist?
  2. What is the inciting incident?
  3. What is the external problem your character faces? (or, what is your character’s external goal?)
  4. What is your character’s internal problem? (or, what is the internal problem your character faces in attempts to confront her external goal?)
  5. What is the theme of your story?
  6. What are the stakes your character faces, or will face, if goal is not obtained. (stakes: love, loss, death, life, etc).
  7. Where/when does your story take place?
  8. What is your character’s basic desire?
  9. What is the rising action?
  10. Vaguely describe the ending in a few words.

Now, I will give examples below of the various logline styles. Yes, I say, “Styles”. Because, there are many different types of loglines I have seen or read, and they are never built the same. Each one, in some way or another, varies from one after the other. But, not too much. There are only so many certain combinations in the world, and some are bound to be noticed, or repeated.


Logline Style #1

In (town/era/place), (main character) struggles to (overcome/kill/save/stop/etc.problem) in order to (solution).

Example: (one I came up with just now) In Ice Point, teenager Trinity Michaels struggles to pull herself together in order to prove her father’s inexplicable existence.

Logline Style #2

Main character and their emotional state who wants a basic desire discovers/learns something new, but there is something different/odd about it and tries to find the solution while facing problem.

Example: (From E.T.) A shy, young suburban boy who wants to be noticed discovers a strange, but friendly, alien living in his shed and tries to help him get home while keeping his existence a secret.


Logline Style #3

When external story quest(or internal story quest) forces character to confront her internal problem(or external problem) she faces (stakes/plot/theme).


Other Logline Styles:

  1. Use an excerpt/sentence from the actual story that relates to what your story is mostly about.
    The Obsession by Nora Roberts uses “She stood in the deep, dark woods, breath shallow and cold prickling over her skin despite the hot, heavy air. She took a step back, then two, as the urge to run fell over her.”
  2. Use a mind puzzling statement, that makes you wonder, not confused.
    Fool Me Once by Harlan Coben uses “You think you know the truth. The truth you know nothing.”
  3. Use a belief the character has, and turn it into a statement that signals a type of truth he/she learns.
    The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah uses “In love we find out who we want to be. In war we find out who we are.”
  4. Or, make a promise.
    The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins uses “This debut psychological thriller will forever change the way you look at other people’s lives.”
    However, this is not typically recommended. A lot of publishers shy away from such a promise, because many people have used this and failed to deliver costing them money out of pocket just to make up for the difference. And, it kind of sounds arrogant and pushy.


Here are some other key points used:

  1. As Time Goes By by Mary Higgins Clark uses character, goal, turning point in it’s logline.
    …a news reporter tries to find her birth mother just as she is assigned to cover the high-profile trial of a woman accused of murdering her wealthy husband.
  2. The Martian by Andy Weir uses date, character, inciting incident, and then stakes in it’s logline.
    Six days ago, astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars.
    Now, he’s sure he’ll be the first person to die there.


Well, I hope this helps you out. Also, if you have anything to add from your observation feel free to share below. It’s nice to gain perspective from other stories I have not read yet.

**update**10/17/16: I found a way to quickly come up with a log line on the spot. Try googloing, or pretend you are, about related stories to yours. If you’re unsure if your story can be compare to something try-“is there a story about…(insert big picture of what your story is about or the kick that starts the story then vague resolution)”. Not only will you find relateable stories, but you will have also unknowingly created a logline minus the “is there a story about” part.

Be sure to check out my post: Notable Sites For Writers




Posted by on October 1, 2016 in Logline Styles, Posts by Author, Tips


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Notable Sites For Writers

Notable Sites For Writers

These following sites, I have collected over the past year, were found to be helpful, and beneficial to me. Take everything you read with a grain of salt, but these hit right on the nose. Also, check out these two bloggers: Jami Gold and Jane Friedman. They are amazing at what they do!

Where to Submit Your Story:

  • Authors Publish gives articles extremely helpful to many authors and this link takes you to the article ‘Top 25 Publishers for New Authors’.
  • Galley Cat is known for their extensive knowledge on what agents and publishers want. This link will direct you to the article I found most helpful ’23 Literary Agent Query Letters That Worked’.
  • The Write Life is known for helping authors create, connect, and sell their works. This link directs you to their article ’27 Free Writing Contests’.
  • Harper Collins is a well known publisher and currently seeks manuscript submissions from unsolicited authors.
  • Kindle Scout is fairly new, and not a popularity contest as many would have believe. This is an amazon affiliate. Here is what they said about the contest:

    Kindle Scout is reader-powered publishing for new, never-before-published books. It’s a place where readers help decide if a book gets published. Selected books will be published by Kindle Press and receive 5-year renewable terms, a $1,500 advance, 50% eBook royalty rate, easy rights reversions and featured Amazon marketing.

  • Strange Horizons I am not all too familiar with, but various members of writing groups I attend has mentioned them before to me. So, if you have any insight on them and how they operate, don’t be afraid to share your experiences.


Story Ideas:




Developing Solid Concepts, Blurbs and Log-lines:


Character Creation:


Find Your Theme:


Screenwriting Sites:


Story Structure and Manuscript Format:


All Things Query Related:




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Storyhelix Review 001: Return of the Sagan

Love humanizes people even as it pushes them to the heights of human accomplishment and pushes the ceiling of impossibility.

Source: Storyhelix Review 001: Return of the Sagan

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Posted by on January 4, 2016 in Posts by Author


Storyhelix Review 001: Return of the Sagan

Storyhelix Review 001: Return of the Sagan
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Posted by on January 4, 2016 in Posts by Author

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